


'Tis the Season for "Baby, It's Cold Outside" Discourse

by RembrandtsWife



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Baby It's Cold Outside, Christmas Music, Gen, Jack drops the mic, Mention of Date Rape, Shitty is a gender studies major, The Discourse, shitty's discourse, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 03:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8873827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RembrandtsWife/pseuds/RembrandtsWife
Summary: Shitty is the gender studies major.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My thanks to the Tumblr user whose URL I cannot recall whose post gave me the idea and the title for this fic.

Bitty was kind of relieved when Ransom suggested they should order pizza. In the ensuing squabble over how many pizzas to order and what combos, he made himself a mocha with whipped cream and no booze and then started rinsing mugs and cups and plates and loading them into the dishwasher.

He accepted a couple of plates from Jack with a smile. Jack handed him the detergent, too. He seemed about to say something when Bitty's playlist shifted and Ella Fitzgerald sang, "I really can't stay...."

Shitty slammed his hand down on the unsuspecting kitchen table. "The Date Rape Song!"

"What?"

"Oh, Shits, not again."

"No, listen to the lyrics." Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan were crooning back and forth to each other, but nobody could hear the words because Shitty was expounding. "She wants to leave, he doesn't want to let her. He plies her with alcohol and she wonders if there's something funny in the drink. He won't lend her a coat and keeps insisting that she has to say, regardless of what it would mean for her reputation. Conclusion, he roofied her drink, date rape, QED!" Shitty shook his finger at the invisible date rapist.

The song was well over by now, but the discourse wasn't. "He pulls this rant out every year," Holster observed.

"Chyeah, kinda glad Dex left before he had to hear this, hey, bro?"

"Bro. Dex is not receptive to the discourse."

"Discourse, what discourse?"

"Chris, no, don't ask, don't even--"

"No, Shitty, you're wrong."

Even off the ice, the members and associates of the Samwell Men's Hockey team tended to listen to their captain. Leaning against the counter beside the dishwasher, Jack crossed one ankle over the other. "What you have to remember is that the song was written at a time when women were expected to deny they wanted sex, even if they did. No respectable unmarried woman could say Yes to sex and remain respectable. She had to say No for appearance's sake; she had to make it look like she was coerced or at least persuaded. Plausible deniability. That the song sounds kind of rapey now is a testimony to the breakdown of that outdated model of interaction and the development of concepts of genuine consent in sexual relationships." He crossed his arms and nodded, looking down at the floor.

There was a charged silence. Then Shitty threw himself at Jack, shouting, "*I'm* the fucking gender studies major, why the fucking fuck didn't I figure that out myself?" He grabbed Jack and gave him an enthusiastic kiss that left an imprint eggnog on his mouth. "Zimmerman, I always said you had hidden depths, brah!"

Shitty's epiphany (and Jack's embarrassment--his cheeks had turned red as apples) were interrupted by the Haus doorbell. At once Shitty fled the kitchen, only to return with a stack of six pizzas which he was carrying above his head while singing in a surprisingly good baritone. "The boar's head in hand bear I...."

"Bedecked with bay and rosemary." Holster turned out to be a tenor, and Jack, Ransom, and Lardo all chimed in on the Latin chorus, "Caput apri defero, Reddens laudes Domino!"


End file.
